


9 Years

by AKA_Shellie



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: As of right now there will not be any three or foursomes, Cockles, First Everything, First Kiss, First Time, Happy Ending, Jensen Has a Crush, Jensen&Misha, M/M, Maybe I'll add more as I go, RPF, Slow Build, Stuff that probably happens at cons, Supportive Everyone Else, Unsure Jensen, Yes their wives exist in this fic, mostly in the background though, probably eventual smut, supportive jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:36:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7208018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKA_Shellie/pseuds/AKA_Shellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen felt so on the verge of something.  Like he was on the edge of a cliff about to jump into the most amazing thing that ever happened to him. His chest felt like an army was marching through it. It always did during times like this. He was on the verge of the best thing that would never happen.  Of course,  he flirted with Misha back.  But that was for the fans....  It was all fun and games and fake for the fans. That's what he always told himself. But everytime Misha looked at him like that, Jensen felt like he was on the verge of deciding that maybe it wasn't all fun and games and fake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On the Verge

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Cockles fic. Actually, my first Supernatural fic. I'm unsure how long I want it to be. If you like it, please tell me. If you don't, please leave constructive criticism but not hate. How long I will continue it and where it will end up going will be determined by feedback, so don't be shy! And thank you in advance for any input!  
> ****Obviously I don't mean to offend anyone by writing this, it's simply a fictional story for the enjoyment of those who may enjoy it. No harm intended****

Jensen felt so on the verge of something. Like he was on the edge of a cliff about to jump into the most amazing thing that ever happened to him. His chest felt like an army was marching through it. It always did during times like this. He was on the verge of the best thing that would never happen. Of course, he flirted with Misha back. But that was for the fans. And Misha knew that. And Jared messed with him as well. Making him put his arm around Misha or cracking an inappropriate joke. It was all fun and games and fake for the fans. That's what he always told himself. But everytime Misha looked at him like that, Jensen felt like he was on the verge of deciding that maybe it wasn't all fun and games and fake. But he could never bring himself to go completely over that edge. It's been nearly 9 years since he met Misha, and he wouldn't trade those years for anything. But romance? An actual relationship? He wasn't in to that. No matter how many times his mind wandered to what it would be like to kiss Misha. Or what it would feel like to wake up next to him, not just in a shared hotel room, but in a shared bed. What it would be like to... 

Shit. He had gotten so caught up in these thoughts he forgot that he was actually supposed to be thinking of an answer to a fan's question. Misha gave him a glare and Jensen said the only thing he could think, "what he said." Misha smiled and the fan seemed happy enough. Nice save, Jensen, he thought feeling very proud of himself. 

 

**************************************************************************************************************

Later that night, they were all in Jensen's hotel room, listening to some indie music Jensen couldn't identify and drinking. Rob and Rich were sitting at the table arguing over a concept for an episode of 'Kings of Con'. Jared and Matt were on the couch exchanging new pictures of their children. And Misha was sitting next to Jensen on the loveseat, scrolling through Twitter or Tumblr or something on his phone. Jensen was looking at these men that he called his family and couldn't help but to smile thinking of all the moments they had shared over the years. Would all that change if he were to ever admit.....? No. He can't think of that now. Can't admit that now. Not after 9 years. Not after he had denied it so many times. He remembered back to the time in season 8 when he couldn't even bring himself to have Dean say 'I love you' to Castiel. That would have been like admitting it to Misha, and he wasn’t ready for that at the time. He still wasn't ready for that. He wasn't even sure if that's what this was. 

Eventually his friends slowly started leaving. Heading to their own rooms to get some sleep before their flights back to where ever they may be going tomorrow. By 11:30, Jensen and Misha were the only two left in the room. Misha was going on and on about something he had read online and Jensen was nodding along pretending to be interested, but only really paying attention to the way Misha's forehead crinkled when he was passionate about his words, or the way his jaw looked so sharp and strong in this light. 

"Jensen, are you even listening?" Misha finally asked after noticing that Jensen was looking at him like he was in some sort of trance and honestly, about to drool. 

Jensen shook his head, "yeah. I'm listening. Just getting a little tired," he lied. 

"I can go back to my room if you want to sleep. I just thought that usually we both stay up so late and we could use the company." Misha looked down at the floor. He didn't want Jensen to tell him to leave. Moments when it was just the two of them were so few and far between that when they did happen, he wished they would never end. 

"No, no, no," Jensen said, "I'm good. You can stay." He didn't want Misha to leave. He wanted more than anything to just tell him to stay the night. To just cuddle up next to him and.... 

Misha watched as Jensen's fingers danced around the pillow sitting next to him. Playing with it as if his hands needed to be touching something immediately. Misha wondered just for a second what it would be like if Jensen were touching him instead. He shook the thought out of his mind. It had been 9 years. It’s not like Jensen has been harboring a secret crush on him this entire time. That was his cross to bear. 

Jensen watched Misha's eyes as they watched him. And for a moment he thought he saw that familiar pang in Misha's heart that Jensen felt every time he was around Misha. That pang that said 'maybe, just maybe'. But no. Misha would never be seriously interested in Jensen that way. Jensen still wasn't sure if he was seriously interested in Misha that way. 

It looked like Misha was about to open his mouth to say something that could have been oh so important when Jensen's phone rang. It was a facetime call from Danneel. Jensen motioned for Misha to come closer so that they would both be in the frame. 

By the time the call was over, Misha told Jensen that he should be getting back to his room and prepare for his flight tomorrow. They said their goodnights and as soon as the door closed after Misha, Jensen sighed at yet another missed opportunity to stop being on the verge of something and actually be experiencing it. Little did he know that Misha was on the other side of the door doing the same thing.


	2. A Twist of Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. And I'm already working on chapter 3. Enjoy the rapid updates before writer's block inevitable overcomes me. 
> 
> Also, fair warning, when I said in the tags that it would be a slow build up, I meant it. But we definitely get some progression in this chapter. Hopefully you enjoy it!

The ride to the airport was difficult. For some unearthly reason, Cliff ended up driving Jared and the others in a rather large limo while Jensen and Misha got stuck in a smaller town car driven by some stock errand boy hired by the convention venue. Fate is a harsh soldier. Misha was once again engrossed in his phone and Jensen was once again engrossed in Misha. Watching the way his brilliant blue eyes moved as he read whatever was on the screen in front of him. The way he crinkled his forehead when he read something that didn’t sit right with him. The way his tongue nonchalantly peeked out from behind his teeth to wet his lips. But of course, Jensen didn’t really notice these things. He couldn’t notice these things about one of his best friends. 

His musings were interrupted by Misha. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” 

“I wasn’t……I didn’t mean to…..” Jensen stumbled over his own words. His mind betraying him as he couldn’t think of a proper retort. 

“Relax, Jen,” Misha said putting his phone into his pocket and giving a crooked smile to his companion. “What is with you lately?”

Jensen saw his opportunity. Everything in him screamed to make the leap. To say the words. To finally speak out loud what for 9 years he had only secretly thought. He swallowed hard, wanting to simultaneously push the words down and spit them out. He could feel the sweat forming on his forehead. The sheer anticipation of the confession almost too much. 

Then, in spite of his best efforts, he heard his own voice muster a strangled, “you.” 

The smile fell from Misha’s face as he angled his head into that look of confusion that Jensen was oh so familiar with from years of Dean working with Castiel. His entire mind now clouded with thoughts of regret and the formation of plans on how exactly to take back what he had said. 

But after a moment, it was Misha talking and not him. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

There it was. Jensen’s out. All he had to do was say that Misha was getting on his nerves or bothering him in some way or another. Just mutter something about being pissed over something Misha had said or done at the convention this weekend. It would be so easy to lie and brush this off. 

But he didn’t. The only word resounding in his head and then escaping his lips was an almost confident, “yes.” Jensen wondered where it came from while also thanking every star in existence for letting it come out. Letting it finally be said. 

The air between them hung thick while Misha stared at Jensen. Not even at his eyes, just at him. Taking him all in as if for the first time. As if they hadn’t spent the better part of the last 9 years of their lives in close proximity. Jensen tried to twist his face into a soft smile under the scrutinizing gaze. After what felt like an eternity, Misha’s eyes met his and he swore that he saw it. Saw every secret thought he had ever had reflected right back. 

Jensen’s mind had to work at beyond full speed to prevent himself from moaning at the sight of Misha’s eyes boring holes into him while the son of a bitch licked his lips. Misha was licking his lips like a predator would while staring at it’s prey. And for the first time that he could fully admit to himself, Jensen wanted to be caught. 

Just as Jensen’s hand was reaching out to touch Misha’s face, a gesture that had happened so many times over the years but was going to be so new this time, the car stopped. They both gasped and parted, leaving enough space between them as to not arise suspicion when whatever errand boy’s name was lowered the partition separating the front and back seats. 

The single second it took felt like an eternity of silent breathing until the partition was finally rolling down and the young man in the driver’s seat told them they had reached the airport. The duo shared a look that seemed to say nothing and everything all at once. And then they were exiting the car. 

 

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

In the same twist of fate that had left Jensen reeling earlier, two flights had been postponed. Rob and Rich’s flight to L.A. and the flight to Vancouver that was supposed to take Jared, Jensen, and Misha back to set. Jensen was almost jealous that Matt’s flight had already departed. 

Although it wasn’t terrible. They were sitting in a waiting area, Rich next to Jensen telling him about the new idea for ‘Kings of Con’. Which he actually thought was quite humorous. However, his eyes were locked on Misha sitting across the room. Misha, who had apparently just said something extremely funny as Rob and Jared were almost doubled over laughing. 

Jensen wished he could be in on whatever joke had escaped those lips. Those lips that he was so close to in the car. Those lips that he had most likely missed the only chance he would ever have to experience. 

Another moment passed and suddenly Rich wasn’t talking about the show anymore. He was asking Jensen a question, “What are you looking at?” 

For some reason, the words rang loud in Jensen’s ears. Perhaps it was the guilt of the answer that was bothering him more so than the question. But what rang louder was the look and half smile he received from Misha, who had apparently heard Rich’s question and put two and two together. 

“Just lost in thought,” Jensen replied trying not to blush. 

Just then, as if it were an act of Chuck himself, a voice came over the loud speaker and announced that both of the respective flights were now ready for boarding. As everyone gathered their things and said their goodbyes to Rob and Rich, Jensen couldn’t help but feel a sort of calm wash over him. Maybe there was some force out there that wanted to protect him. Protect him from being found out. Protect him from ruining this before it even started. If whatever it was would even start. 

Either way, he felt the all too familiar pang in his chest as he smelled Misha’s cologne coming up behind him. “Hey,” Misha said as he started walking beside him. It took mere seconds for their strides to sync. Jensen couldn’t help but to think that being in sync with Misha was the easiest thing he’d ever done. 

“Hey,” he responded. Unknowingly smiling. 

Misha scrunched his face, as if debating what he was going to say. Jensen almost stopped walking, but Misha shook his head and immediately spat out, “do you want me to switch seats with Jared?”

Switch seats with Jared. Jensen hadn’t even thought of that. Whenever they were on the same flight, Jared and Jensen always sat next to each other with Misha directly behind them. Jensen had never considered changing that. 

Everything in him wanted to say yes. Wanted to tell him that he would love nothing more than to have Misha sit next to him and to….Well, he wasn’t sure. Wasn't sure if he wanted to talk or touch or sit in silence and stare. Any option sounded like the most appealing thing Jensen had ever heard. 

But he couldn’t say yes. Couldn’t handle Jared asking why. Couldn’t handle any action that he may take being that close. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he blurted out. Misha stopped and Jensen walked another two paces before stopping and turning back to Misha. 

“I just mean….Jared might wonder why. And I really wouldn’t even know what to say.” He looked at Misha, hoping that explanation would suffice. 

“Well eventually,” Misha started, “we will have to discuss what we would say in such a situation.”

Jensen thought a moment. He knew what Misha meant. They needed to talk about what happened in the car. But he wasn't ready for that. And for once, he said exactly what he thought. “I’m not ready for that.”

Misha nodded. “Okay. Let me know when you are.”

Jensen smiled at that. The way Misha understood without question. It made him feel safe. Like maybe, he could be ready. Just as he began to feel that familiar swelling in his chest, Jared walked over to them, returning from a trip to the vending machines. 

He threw a bag of gummy bears at Misha and asked “ya’ll ready for this flight?” Jensen and Misha both nodded in response and the trio started walking towards their boarding gate.


	3. Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So, there's still the slow build. And I'm sorry. But there is more progression in this chapter than I originally thought. And don't worry, the slow build is going to come to an end very soon. *wink wink* Also, I apologize in advance for leaving this chapter on a cliff hanger like I did. I'm a piece of trash. 
> 
> Let me know what you think. :)

Jensen was sitting on the couch in his trailer resting his eyes in-between takes when he heard a knock on the door. He was glad that he left it unlocked because he truly did not feel like getting up to open it. “It’s open!” he yelled. 

He couldn’t help the smile his mouth curled into when he smelled the blessed scent of Misha. He sat up and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the sight of the man. He was still in Castiel’s suit with the first few buttons of the white shirt undone, the tie untied hanging around either side of his neck almost like a scarf, and the trench coat nowhere in sight. His hair was ridiculously unruly today, somehow so far passed his normal bedhead. Jensen was on the verge of insanity from the sight. 

As he stepped in, he looked at Jensen looking at him and smiled. “Hey,” he said, “mind if I sit?” Jensen immediately sat up more to open up space next to him, which Misha soon occupied. Misha looked at the ground. Out of instinct or compassion or something else that Jensen couldn’t identify, he put his hand on Misha’s back and started rubbing comforting circles. 

He looked up at him in surprise at the gesture. “We need to talk.” Jensen felt his heart and his hand sink. Misha swallowed hard at losing the touch. “I suppose that isn’t what you thought I would say?” he asked. 

Jensen took a deep breath and responded, “actually, it is. I just still wasn't prepared for it. I know…” he trailed off. He was so unsure of what he should say or how much of it should even be said. “I know that I’ve been avoiding this. I know I’m the one who said it. And I don’t….” He didn’t know where he wanted to go with this. Wasn’t sure if the next words out of his mouth would change their lives. Wasn’t sure if he wanted them to. Wasn’t sure if he didn’t want them to either.

He sat there silent, thinking. Misha looking at him with an intensity that made it seem like he was living for what Jensen would say next. He nodded, probably in hopes that Jensen would get the cue to continue talking. Finally, he just said it. “I don’t regret saying it. I don’t regret letting you know…” 

Misha interrupted him at that. “That’s the thing, Jen. You didn’t really let me know. You didn’t really say anything. You implied… you implied something entirely different than anything I ever thought you’d imply and then you ignored me for a week. I have no idea what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Jensen opened his mouth to respond but closed it immediately. He should have realized, but for some reason he didn’t. He just assumed that Misha had known exactly what he meant. Assumed that two simple words were enough to convey everything. He couldn’t help to think if this was it. If this was life giving him another out. Another chance to retract those words and go back to the way things were before he said them. However, every nerve in his body was on fire with the thought of just reaching out and kissing Misha and making him understand. 

Just as he was about to take the leap, about to ditch words in favor of actions, there was another knock at the door. “Mr. Ackles, you’re needed on set!” The voice of a PA sounded through the trailer. 

Jensen scoured Misha’s eyes for….permission? Misha nodded and only then did Jensen respond “coming” and got off the couch, heading for the door. Before opening the handle, he turned to Misha and asked a question he never thought he would say, “your place, later?”

“Yes,” Misha said without skipping a beat. And then Jensen followed the PA and he was left alone, sitting on a couch that wasn’t his. Wearing clothes that weren’t his. Thoughts racing through his head revolving around a guy that wasn’t his. 

 

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jensen had knots in his stomach as he sat in his car in the parking garage of Misha’s Vancouver apartment building. But they had to talk. Had to sort this out. And maybe do a little more than talk, Jensen thought. No. No. No. He came here to clear things up so work wasn’t so damn awkward. He did not come here to touch Misha. Kiss him. Anything. Everything. Jensen shifted in his seat as he felt himself start to….harden? Really? A boner just at the thought? Great. This talk would go extremely well. 

He stood in front of the door. Not knocking. Just standing, staring at the wood as if it would answer all of his questions. Help him through all of his hesitations. When he finally mustered up the courage to gently tap his fist against it, the door opened immediately. 

“I was wondering if you were ever going to knock,” Misha said, ushering him into the apartment and closing the door behind them. Jensen felt his face start to turn a light shade of red at the embarrassment. 

“I was….” Jensen really wasn’t that great at talking lately apparently. 

“I know,” Misha said firmly. Sensing Jensen’s discomfort, he added, “how are Danneel and JJ?”

Jensen sighed in relief. He could talk about them. “They’re good. Danneel said they went to the dog pound today to look for a new one. As if two isn’t enough.”

“I wish Vicki would let us get a dog. West is kind of mixed though. He’s been bugging me to get one at the same time that he gets nervous every time we pass one in the park.”

“Isn’t he a little old to be getting nervous around dogs? Plus he likes mine.”

“Maybe it’s just because he doesn’t know the other dogs like he knows yours.” By this point, they had made their way to the couch and were sitting angled so they could face each other. This conversation seeming so easy. Especially in comparison to the one they both knew was coming. 

“What about Maison?” Jensen asked, praying to keep this small talk going. Anything to avoid what he had actually come here to do. 

Misha wasn't necessarily getting aggravated. But he was becoming impatient. He knew Jensen needed a bit of a different conversation to soften whatever blow was about to happen. But he was honestly tired of waiting. It had been 9 years. “Do you really want to know my daughter’s opinion on dogs? Because you could have asked me that anytime.”

Jensen got the hint. “I haven’t told Danneel yet.”

“And what haven’t you told Danneel?”

This was it. Say it or….well actually, at this point Jensen didn’t really have a choice. The only question was how much he was actually going to say. He decided it would be best to put everything on the table. The next moments appeared as a blur to him as the words were just spilling out. 

“I hated you at first. Thought you were weird and different and wouldn’t last 2 episodes. But then you did. And something started to…. you just. You talk and act like no one else. And you’ve got this stupid way of making my heart….” Jensen paused and looked down at that. Didn’t want to look at Misha when he said the next part. But he could still feel Misha looking at him. “making my heart skip beats. Or beat too fast. You’ve got this way of making me…” this was it. It was now and things would never be the same. Jensen finally looked up and caught Misha’s eyes with his own. “want you. I want you.” 

There was silence for what felt like forever. Jensen wasn’t sure if he should break it or not. But he had said enough. Hadn’t he? And he wanted Misha to say something. Needed him to respond. 

“The feeling is mutual.” So few words. So little spoken, but it was enough for Jensen. To know that his impulses and his desires and his….crush weren’t unrequited. 

“You…want me too?” Jensen asked. Still so unsure of anything that was happening. 

Misha smiled, trying his best to reassure Jensen. “Of course I do. I just never thought you would feel the same. Or tell me.”

Jensen felt the need to immediately….. defend himself? Yeah. Defend the fact that of course he would feel the same. How could he not? How could Misha think that he wouldn’t? But then again, Jensen did think that Misha wouldn’t. “I’ve tried so many times. I wore your shirt and showed it off at a convention! I practically forced you to spend the day with me making those videos for our campaign. I put my head on your shoulder, in videos no less, more times than I can count. Hell, two years ago I even tried to angle my head to really kiss you on stage!”

“I kept my hand firm because I thought that was an accident. I never realized that…I thought you were just playing it up for the fans.”

Jensen thought for a moment. But hey, honesty is the best policy. “I was. At first. But then it became…real.” He swallowed hard. Did he really just say that?

Misha gazed into his eyes and started stroking the back of his hand along Jensen’s cheek. Soaking in the moment that neither could actually believe was happening. There was only one question Misha had left. 

“What do you mean you haven’t told Danneel…yet?"


	4. Twenty Four Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been a few days. And I know this chapter is shorter...maybe. I'm actually not sure if it is. But life has been getting in the way. Hopefully this makes up for it. And heads up, I'm working on the next chapter (should be a few days) but I promise...it'll be worth it. *wink wink* (AKA: I'm kind of over the whole slow build thing myself) 
> 
>  

“What do you mean you haven’t told Danneel…yet?” From the emphasis on that last word, Jensen knew what Misha was actually asking. ‘You’re planning on telling Danneel? When?’ The truth was, Jensen knew the answer. He knew it before he even walked into the apartment. Had already told himself that on the off chance that Misha reciprocated, he would tell Danni right away. FaceTime her with Misha right there with him. Second thought, maybe not that. 

“If there was nothing to tell, then there was nothing to tell. But, if you…” Jensen trailed off. Misha gave him the confused Castiel look again and Jensen asked, “what?”

“Do you…do you want something to actually happen?” 

“I thought that was obvious. I know you and Vicki have an agreement….”

“But you and Danneel don’t,” Misha interjected. 

Jensen shook his head. “I know we don’t. But if there is something here I need to explore it.” Jensen snapped his mouth shut, eyes going wide and looking directly at Misha, as if shocked at what he himself had just said. He was only met with Misha’s smiling face. 

“You’re going to ask Danneel’s permission to explore this?” Misha asked, excitedly while motioning his pointer finger between them for emphasis. 

“If you want me to,” Jensen replied.

“Of course I want you to,” Misha said, “How could I not? I’ve only wanted you for the better part of 9 years.” This time it was Misha’s turn to snap his mouth shut in surprise.

It was as if they had switched roles as Jensen’s green eyes met Misha’s blue with confidence and a smile. “We’re ridiculous,” he laughed out. 

“That’s a weird response,” Misha dead panned, clearly unamused. 

“It’s just…I’ve wanted this for 9 years too.” 

Misha smiled at that. “We really need to get better at communicating.”

Jensen nodded. His back was starting to ache from the angle he was sitting at. But he didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to take his eyes from Misha for a single second. From the looks of it, Misha was in a similar situation. Neither wanting to move. Not wanting to change the moment, or worse, make it end. But as they say, all good things eventually…..

“When?” He heard Misha ask. But for some reason he didn’t quite register the question.

“What?” He asked. 

Misha smiled at Jensen’s lack of focus. Especially happy that he was the cause of it. “When did you plan on asking Danneel?”

Jensen fidgeted at that. Turned to sit straight and stare at the black tv screen in front of the couch. He then looked down at the ground, anywhere but at Misha. “I could call her now.”

Misha stared at the back of Jensen’s neck, wishing he would face him, but understanding why he wasn’t. Jensen was scared. Scared that Misha would tell him not to do that. Scared of what Danneel would say when he told her. Scared of what would happen between them if she said it was okay. Scared of what would happen between them if she said it wasn’t. 

“Mish…” Jensen said, interrupting Misha’s train of thought. “Would you want me to do that? To call Danni?”

“Only if that’s what you want.”

Misha’s brilliant blue eyes looked as if they were starting to dampen with the formation of tears that wouldn’t fall. It almost broke Jensen’s heart, but he knew his eyes were like mirrors staring back at Misha. “It is.” 

Misha nodded and closed his eyes, just for a moment, trying to hold in the emotion that was begging to come out. When he opened them again, Jensen already had his phone out of his pocket and his fingers were hovering above the screen.

“Are you sure?” Misha squeaked out, the tears he was holding back now audibly in his voice.

Jensen was sure. For the first time, he was absolutely sure he wanted to tell Danneel that he loved her more than he could say and he would never trade her or JJ for anything. But at the same time, everything in him was telling him he needed to explore this thing with Misha. Needed to experience it. How was he going to tell his wife he wanted….Misha?

 

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

24 minutes. The call was awkward. There were a lot of pauses and silence and all three of them sounded unsteady. But after that 24 minutes, Jensen had what he had prayed for all along. Permission. Support. Understanding. Of course Danneel made it clear that this was for Misha and only Misha, and it was never to interfere with their family. Of course both he and Misha promised that. A 24 minute phone call and all of a sudden Jensen’s heart was in his throat because he realized something. He realized that there was absolutely nothing stopping them now. Except…

“Do you have to call Vicki?” He asked, both men angled towards each other once again, but neither having the nerve to reach out and touch quite yet. 

“Would that make you more comfortable?”

Jensen gulped. “Honestly, yes. But I’m also….”

“She isn’t going to care. She’s going to be excited.”

“She knows?”

Misha simply nods his head in confirmation. 

“Oh.”

“Well, I mean. She knows about me. But she doesn’t know that you…brought it up.”

“Call her.” Jensen said, adding, “if you want.”

“You want to know what I really want?” Misha asked, moving impossibly closer to Jensen. 

Jensen’s breath hitched, he had been this close to Misha before. Plenty of times. But never, never like this. And never with the implication of what he knew Misha was about to do. What he prayed Misha would just do without asking him. Without making him say it. 

Misha placed his hand behind Jensen’s neck and pulled his face close enough to his so that their noses were touching. He looked into his eyes, wordlessly asking for permission. Jensen looked back at him, scared, but returning the want in his gaze. And with that, Misha tilted his head and pushed their mouths together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I didn't include the actual phone conversation. I honestly wasn't sure how to write it. And I figure, you get the important things that happened in it. Please don't be mad. And thank you to everyone who has continued reading this. :)


	5. Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Warning: this chapter contains my first attempt at anything smut like, I don't think it's terribly graphic, but still, heads up. 
> 
> Also, I would like to apologize in advance because like I said, it's my first attempt at smut ever, so I'm sorry if it's terrible. 
> 
> This chapter is also a bit longer because I feel like I want to put in more detail about what goes on in their lives, but I also don't want to detail every little thing, because that would probably get boring. Any thoughts?

Misha placed his hand behind Jensen’s neck and pulled his face close enough to his so that their noses were touching. He looked into his eyes, wordlessly asking for permission. Jensen looked back at him, scared, but returning the want in his gaze. And with that, Misha tilted his head and pushed their mouths together.

It was awkward, closed-mouthed, and brief. Most first kisses are. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t amazing. It still made Jensen’s head swim. Still made Misha’s lips curl into a smile after pulling away, resting his forehead back on Jensen’s, both sighing with content for what had been 9 years in the making. 

That was two weeks ago. Two precious weeks of sneaking away and stealing moments and kisses that were so much deeper than the first one, but at the same time could never truly rival it. Like for instance, they were currently wrapped up in each other on the couch in Jensen’s trailer between takes. It had only been two weeks, but Misha had already deemed Jensen’s trailer his favorite spot. 

Jensen was underneath Misha, but had his legs hanging off of the couch, so only their upper bodies touched. This was all still so new and Jensen was still…uncomfortable with certain aspects. Had certain limits. Like, no touching of the groins. But that of course didn’t stop the fact that he may or may not masturbate to thoughts of Misha everyday. But when they were actually together, it was shirts on, mouths together, and nether regions apart. And Misha was very understanding. Of course, it was hard not to be understanding when Jensen did let him stick his tongue down his throat. 

It had been two weeks, and Jensen had never once fought Misha for dominance over any of their kisses. Which is why Misha was so surprised when he suddenly felt Jensen’s tongue swiping the opposite direction from the path Misha was forging. Fighting to leave it’s submissive position and gain control. Misha let it happen, and as soon as he did, Jensen felt free. Not that he couldn’t have taken control anytime. But he hadn’t wanted to. Hadn’t needed to. He was shocked that he was doing it now. But he was so overcome with a yearning that had been slowly rising to the surface. Slowly showing itself with every meeting he and Misha shared. That’s why it happened. 

Why he suddenly found himself kneading Misha’s hips, eliciting a moan from the older man. Misha looked into Jensen’s eyes, a silent question in them. “Need more,” was all Jensen whispered, or moaned, or sighed, Misha couldn’t tell. The only thing registering in his brain was Jensen shifting them so that Misha was fully on top of him, this feeling that used to be so forbidden was now rushing through Misha as he felt the sensation of their cocks meeting together through denim. Both men let out a moan of undeniable satisfaction, and Misha slowly started to rock. Unsure of how much Jensen would be comfortable with. 

Jensen shut his eyes. Let himself feel everything. Misha’s breath as he licked his way up Jensen’s neck. The friction created by Misha moving on top of him. He felt himself slowly start to harden and suddenly it was all just too much. He drew his hands up to Misha’s shoulder and pressed them to get Misha off of him. “I’m sorry,” he panted as Misha sat up, removing himself from Jensen, “I’m sorry. It’s just too much right now.”

“You don’t have to apologize Jen. I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.” Misha said as he adjusted himself in order to sit up next to Jensen, who was already upright.

Jensen loved that Misha was so understanding; he also hated himself for not being able to do more. He wanted to. He really did. He was nearly desperate to know what it would feel like. But he was just so scared. Scared of how different it would be from anything else he’d ever experienced. Scared of it changing his relationship with Misha. Of it changing his relationship with Danneel. Scared of it changing his life. 

“I wish I could,” he found himself saying, “but I’m just not ready to go any farther. I don’t…” he paused, trying to think of the right words. “I don’t want to ruin this.” As soon as the words escaped his mouth he felt Misha’s hand caressing his cheek. Soft, gentle, soothing. 

“The only thing that could ruin this is if you aren’t honest with me,” Misha said, angling Jensen’s face so their eyes could meet. “Do you understand?” Jensen shook his head to signify the yes he wasn’t speaking. “Good. I mean it, Jen. I know this is new and different. But we need to do what feels right for both of us. We’re in this together.”

“I know,” Jensen muttered, turning himself so he could wrap his arms around Misha. “I know,” he repeated into his ear as they embraced. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

The next day the boys found themselves on the earliest flight offered on a Saturday morning to get Misha to the convention before his panel, and leave Jensen and Jared enough time to explore the city before joining their friends at the Saturday Night Special. No one besides their wives were aware that Misha and Jensen were now more than friends, not even Jared. Thus, it was the same routine it had always been. Jared was in the window seat, asleep and snoring while Jensen was listening to his iPod in the seat next to him. Misha was directly behind Jared reading…something. Jensen couldn’t quite tell what it was, and not for lack of trying. Lately he always found himself interested in whatever Misha was doing. Not that he hadn’t been before, but that was just a curiosity. Lately it had turned into a need. 

Misha smiled and, without looking up from his reading material said, “you’re going to break your neck if you keep straining so hard to look back here.”

Jensen heard it over his music and blushed. He didn’t realize Misha had noticed him. “I…uh,” he stammered while pausing his music. Misha put his magazine down; yes it was a magazine, but why did it look like a book? and scooted forward to lean into the part between Jensen and Jared’s seats. (Being in first class had it’s perks, like seats with enough room in-between them. Something Jensen was always grateful for because hey, Jared is a big guy.)

“You’re cute when you’re flustered,” Misha whispered. Jensen’s eyes shot immediately to his right, as if silently saying, ‘dude, Jared is right there’. Misha responded as if he actually heard the words out loud. “Relax. People on the ground below us can hear his snoring. He’s out cold. Besides, he didn’t stop you from staring at me.”

“I was trying to see what you were reading.”

Misha picked up the magazine that was as thick as a book and showed the cover to Jensen. Oh. Now he got it. “It’s like a yearbook for Gishwhes. I’m looking through it before we print hard copies to put on the website,” Misha explained. 

“Got it,” Jensen replied. They sat there a moment, just smiling at each other until they heard a yawn and the cracking of bones from a violent stretch. “Jeeze, man. Are you okay?” Jensen asked Jared, who was now opening his eyes. 

“Yeah,” Jared said still stretching, “I just fell asleep really weird and now I’m kind of achey.” 

Misha raised an eyebrow. “Achey?” he asked. 

“Yes. Achey. It’s a thing.” Jared responded defensively. All three of them started to laugh. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jensen was loosing his mind. He was so bored sitting in the green room, waiting for Misha to get done with autographs. They had texted a bit, but Misha had a panel, his meet and greet, photo ops, and now autographs, so they hadn’t actually seen each other since they had gotten breakfast after checking into the hotel this morning. Were convention days always this long? He supposed it only seemed that way because this was the first convention since they started…he still wasn’t sure what to call it. Dating? A relationship? Whatever it was, it was the reason for his growing impatience.

“You okay?” he heard Rob ask.

“Yeah, I’m good. Is Misha still out there?” 

“Yeah. His line’s still pretty long. I think he’s actually just getting to the end of the gold people now.” 

Jensen groaned. “We’re supposed to get dinner before the concert.”

By this point, Rob had grabbed himself a water and sat down beside Jensen. “I was going to ask you, do you think the three of you would be up to helping Rich and I sing ‘Help You’? I figured that with Jared launching another campaign, it would be nice to have us sing that.”

Jensen nodded, “that would be cool with me.”

After some more conversation with Rob, followed by Rich, and what seemed like an eternity, Misha finally walked in the green room. 

“Sorry,” he said, looking at Jensen, “it was a sold out con today and you know everyone wants a piece of this,” he moved his hand up and down, gesturing to himself. 

Jensen laughed and shook his head. “Okay, Mish. Whatever you say. Can we just go now? I’m starving.”

Jensen stood up and Misha didn’t even have a chance to grab a water before he had to follow Jensen out of the room so he wouldn’t lose him. 

“You know the restaurant isn’t going to run out of food right?” Misha asked. 

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day,” Jensen said, slowing down his pace. 

“Yeah? Mine went by so quick,” Misha stated sarcastically. 

Jensen smiled and said, “Just for that, you get to pay for dinner tonight.”

“Don’t I always?” Misha huffed. “Which isn’t really fair because you make a lot more money than I do,” he added. 

“Shuddup,” Jensen said, feeling himself going a little pink. He hated talking about money. “Let’s just get to this place so I can get some freaking food.”

Misha put up his hands defensively and almost laughed, “okay. okay.”

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dinner had been fun. They met up with Jared and Jason and had some bar food. Jensen always loved when they got stuff like that because honestly sometimes he got sick of the fancy steaks and thousand course meals. The foursome ate and drank and nearly missed the concert. But ended up getting there on time and performing their scheduled songs without any hiccups. Which they always commend themselves for. Jensen was happy he was able to attend more Saturday Night Specials lately, because he loved being on stage with all his friends. And he loved getting to see Louden Swain play. Rob is a brilliant song writer and there were times that Jensen would just listen to their songs on repeat for hours. Of course he did that with all the artists he listened to, but Louden Swain was God’s band and would always be special. 

He almost wished the concert hadn’t ended. Almost wished he could still be there. But at the same time, he’d never wanted to be anywhere more than where he was right now. In Misha’s hotel room. Sitting on Misha’s bed. Staring into Misha’s eyes…

“What if people realize I’m not in my room?” He was nervous. And Misha could tell. 

“Everyone is either still out or sleeping it off in their own rooms. Besides, it’s not different or suspicious for us to be hanging out in each other’s rooms.” Misha tried to calm his nerves.

“But…this is different. Isn’t it?” 

“If you want it to be.”

Jensen thought for a moment. Of course he wanted it to be. He wanted to kiss Misha right here and now. He liked kissing Misha. Liked touching Misha. But in between takes in his trailer is very different than in a hotel room all alone. It’s not that Jensen was unsure. He was just scared. Scared of how different it would be. But he was looking into Misha’s deep blue eyes as if they would comfort him more than anything. And they did. “Yeah,” he choked out before attacking Misha’s lips. 

It took merely seconds for their tongues to be dancing together. Mapping each other out as if they had never met before. It was like that every time. Misha wrapped his arms around Jensen and slowly guided him down, laying on top of him with his legs to the side so he didn’t break Jensen’s no groin rule. Jensen ran his fingers through Misha’s hair, lightly pushing him further against himself. Misha escaped the hold and started trailing kisses up Jensen’s cheek, moving to nibble at his ear. Jensen groaned and bucked up hoping for friction but only finding air. 

After a few minutes of what Jensen could only call teasing, he pushed at Misha, signaling him to stop. “I want more. But I can’t..I don’t want to…I’m not ready for. You know,” Jensen tried to explain to Misha. Unsure of how to say that he wasn’t ready for any sort of…penetration. He could barely think the word, let alone say it. 

Misha simply smiled and said, “there are other things we can do, Jen.” He searched Jensen eyes for permission, leaning forward and licking into his mouth once again when he was sure he received it. Jensen let out a whine at the contact. Misha pulled back and gave Jensen a half smile, as if knowing something that Jensen didn’t. 

“What?” Jensen asked, sounding out of it already. 

It took all of 7 minutes for them to be naked with Misha shamelessly rutting against Jensen. Small, breathy moans and gasps filling the air as their aroused members joined together in a dance of heat and friction that was nothing short of pure bliss. Jensen’s head was on the pillow, being dragged up and down by the sheer force with which Misha humped him. It was almost too much while at the same time being not quite enough. Jensen huffed out a moan that almost sounded like a plea to the heavens and Misha understood immediately. He brought his hand to Jensen’s mouth and Jensen tongued at the palm, the digits, anywhere he could reach to slick it with his saliva. Misha lifted his hips, allowing just the tips of their throbbing cocks to touch. Jensen let out a gasp as his eyes shot straight open at the too sensitive touch. Misha looked down at him and met his eyes with a confident smile as he brought his saliva soaked hand down to stroke them together. 

Jensen helplessly thrashed underneath him, the heat and friction and burn from lack of more lubrication being entirely more intoxicating than any substance he had ever had in his life. He let out a loud, guttural moan that was nearly a scream, followed by a much more strangled, “Mish” before Misha claimed his mouth to silence him. His tongue sliding against Jensen’s in time with the strokes of his hand. Jensen could feel everything and think of nothing. The only thing he was aware of at this moment was the sensation of every nerve ending being set ablaze by the hand around his cock and the tongue dancing with his. Before he even knew it, he was pulling away from Misha’s mouth to yell, to cry out Misha’s name a hundred times and to bury the back of his head into the pillow with the same force that he was coming in Misha’s hand. 

Misha felt deliciously evil watching Jensen in the state of ecstasy below him. He started moving his hand faster, milking everything out of Jensen while still jerking himself. He gave a few last harsh thrusts of his hips and then he was screaming Jensen’s name, their sticky fluids mixing together on his hand and Jensen’s stomach. Misha slowed, both men still breathing heavy, and collapsed on top of Jensen. Not caring if they got stuck together, actually, he almost wished they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't do a time jump next chapter. It will start immediately after this one leaves off so that we can see the reactions to what just happened.


	6. Details

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a couple of days. I've been trying to decide what I want to do with this. I'm not sure I want it to be super long, but maybe medium length? There's a bunch of stuff I definitely have some ideas about, so it'll still be a while. Sorry I don't have a set schedule for posting. It just depends on when inspiration hits and I actually have the time. 
> 
> *****This chapter starts off with a retelling of the last scene from chapter 5, with more details and more of Jensen's thought process through the whole thing.****
> 
> Also, I end on a cliffhanger again. I'm so sorry. I suck.

"There are other things we can do, Jen."  The possibilities were swimming around in Jensen's mind. Other things. He honestly still wasn't sure if he was even ready for 'other things'. But the way Misha was looking at him, a question in his eyes. Not a question of 'do you want to do this?' but the gleam and sting showing through the blue screamed 'do you trust me?' And of course Jensen did. He trusted Misha with anything. Everything. He blinked and met Misha's gaze, trying to show what he couldn't bring himself to say. And that was all Misha needed to start kissing him again. And that kiss, the taste of Misha's tongue at that moment, was the best thing Jensen had ever felt. 

He couldn't help the whine that escaped his lips. And of course Misha was cocky about it. Giving him a sly half smile and Jensen knew that he was in for way more than he bargained for. But he was too entranced to care. Too high already. He thinks he says something, asks Misha a question maybe. But he can't even comprehend his own words. All he knows is that Misha is smiling even bigger now and is removing himself from Jensen. Wait. Why is he leaving? Oh. 

He had seen Misha shirtless plenty of times. Hell, he'd even seen him completely naked. But not in this context. Not with him lying on his back on a hotel bed and Misha standing on his knees right next to him on the mattress. Removing his shirt so slowly, so seductively, showing inch by inch of silky tanned skin, already covered in a thin layer of sweat. Jensen was just staring up at him, taking it all in. He could feel himself getting almost painfully aroused. 'Okay,' he thought, 'I'm ready for this. I'm ready for whatever Misha wants to do'.  And honestly, he wanted to do it too. 

He sat up and started taking off his own shirt, Misha looking at him in almost surprise. Jensen leaned up and kissed Misha again. The feeling of their shirtless bodies meeting, skin against skin was nearly too much. Jensen could feel that Misha was just as aroused as he was. And in a moment neither could quite believe, Jensen was the one that reached down and started unbuckling their pants. 

The next thing either of them knows, Misha is back on top of Jensen, they're both naked and Misha is rocking back and forth creating sensations that Jensen could only call perfect. It all happened so quickly, so easily, so naturally, Jensen wondered why he was ever scared at all. He found himself wanting more. Needing more. He meant to ask Misha but couldn't manage more than a strangled plea that he was pretty sure wasn't words. But of course, this was his Misha and he didn't need words to be understood. He soon found himself licking Misha's fingers, his palm, spitting all over his hand in an attempt to provide some sort of lubrication for Misha to jack them off. Then, all of a sudden Misha was shifting his hips up and Jensen nearly lost his mind when he felt the tips of their cocks touch. Misha's hand disappearing beneath them is the last thing Jensen remembers before he was screaming out one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever experienced. 

A few moments later, they were both just trying to catch their breath. Misha was still on top of him, but honestly, Jensen didn't mind. As far as he was concerned, Misha could stay there forever. They could stay like this forever. Misha finally angled his head to look up at Jensen. 

"Hi," he said. 

"Hi," Jensen responded as he smiled. 

Misha smiled too. "Was that... Was that okay? I know you said... But then you acted like...and I just want to make sure...."  

"You're rambling," Jensen said as he ran his fingers through Misha's sweaty hair. "And it was perfect." 

"So you aren't mad that I took it that far? Yesterday you said you weren't ready for anything like this but then we were here and it was happening and I got caught up and...." 

"Carried away? Me too. And yeah, I was scared. And unsure. But once it was happening, once I was looking in your eyes and we were actually in that moment, I wasn't scared anymore. I wanted it. Don't get me wrong, the idea of..." Jensen swallowed. He still didn't want to say it. 

"Penetration?" Misha asked, but he was pretty sure that that’s what Jensen meant.

"Yes, that. I'm still not ready for that." 

"But what we just did?" 

"What we just did I would love to do again."  

"Not right now. I'm too tired," Misha said, snuggling his face against Jensen's chest. 

"I didn't mean right now. Im not 20 anymore". 

"I know" Misha said, voice going lower, almost teasingly. 

"That's rude. You're older than me."  

“Talk about being rude..." Misha started to laugh. 

Jensen joined him and then felt the pull of his skin as Misha shifted. "Perhaps we should get cleaned up before we get stuck together permanently,” he suggested. Misha let out a huff in response and just cuddled into him more. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jensen had gone back to his room around 5:30, as though not to have anyone question why he had spent the night in Misha's. It was lonely when he got to his own room. The bed seemingly too cold and too empty compared to the one he just left. His only solace was that he would be meeting his friends for breakfast in just an hour and a half. 

Jensen knew it would be pointless to text Misha before going to the restaurant. Misha would be out on his morning jog and just ignore everyone until seeing them at breakfast anyways. Everything was different but nothing had changed. Jensen would walk out of his room alone and meet Jared and Cliff in the lobby. And Misha would meet them at the restaurant 10 minutes late because he had to shower after his run. Rob and Rich would already be there with Billy, Michael, and Stephen all slumped over some form of caffeine in a desperate attempt to recover from last night. 

And as Jensen, Jared, and Cliff walked into the Cracker Barrel restaurant, that’s exactly what they saw. With one addition: Misha was already sitting at the table, engulfed in what looked to be a heated argument with Rob and Rich. 

"What are you guys arguing about?" Jared asked as he sat down next to Misha. Jensen only felt his blood boil a little at the fact that he couldn't sit next to or even across from Misha. But he quickly shook it off and took the seat next to Jared and across from Billy. 

"We were simply discussing what we should do when I go on 'Kings of Con' next week,” Misha responded, trying to sound too innocent.

"And I think a ‘monkey’ might be just a tad bit much," Rich said putting air quotes around the word monkey. 

"I think it's kind of perfect actually," Rob chimed in. 

"More importantly," Jared interrupted, "why did you air quote the word monkey?" 

Misha and Rob both started laughing. Jensen couldn't help the smile he cracked. He wasn't sure if he was smiling at the sound of Misha's laughter or the fact that he knew exactly what Misha suggested. "Oh, you'll see," Misha answered Jared's question. 

"No you won't," Rich quickly interjected. The whole table started chuckling as a waitress came over to take their orders. 

After breakfast, Jensen caught up with Misha and urged him into a corner that was devoid of people. "Hey," he said. 

"Very well crafted,” Misha remarked. 

"Excuse me?" Jensen was confused as to why Misha was being so sarcastic.

"You pull me into a corner to say hey? That could have been said in front of the group." 

That was true. But that’s not why Jensen pulled him into a corner. He did have a question for him. “Did you not go on your run?" 

"I did,” Misha responded, shaking his head in the affirmative to match his words. 

"Then how....?" 

"I left when you left. I didn't go back to sleep." 

“Oh,” Jensen smiled and looked down at the ground. Does that mean Misha couldn’t go back to sleep without him? The thought warmed his entire body. “Are you coming with us now?"  

"Yeah. I don't have anything until later but I was thinking of just walking around the convention center. Looking at the gardens and stuff." 

"You should take security.” Jensen knew Misha loved seeing the different convention centers, but walking around with no security was always a dumb idea.

"I hate taking security.” 

Misha was being so short with his words. Jensen wondered why, but decided not to ask. “I know. But if you walk freely around you'll get bombarded with people." 

Misha smiled. "Probably not, it's J2 day." 

“Ha. Ha," Jensen dead panned, and starting walking towards the exit, Misha following behind him. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Waiting back stage was torture. Jensen always hated it. Waiting for Rob and Rich or whoever it was to introduce them. Knowing that just beyond that curtain are a bunch of people that spent around $800 mostly for this 'exclusive gold panel’. 30 minutes. People paid so much extra for a 30 minute panel. Well, the gold package does have a lot of other perks. But even after all these years Jensen still can't believe that people would spend $800 just to spend a weekend with them. And him and Jared are only at conventions on Sundays. (And of course the occasional Saturday night concert). 

"Where's your head at?" Jared broke Jensen's train of thought. 

"What?" Jensen asked.

Jared gave a half smile at the irony but was also worried. "You okay?" 

"Yeah. Just getting prepared for the panel." 

"Yeah, I get that. But you've been weird for a few weeks now,” concern was starting to become clear in Jared’s voice.

Crap. Jared had noticed? Oh he wasn't ready for this. Wasn't ready for Jared to know about his agreement with Misha and their wives. About the things he felt for Misha. Wasn’t ready for Jared to know about the activities they took part in last night. He just wasn't ready for Jared to know. 

"Jensen..." Jared started after Jensen had been silent for a few moments. 

"I've just got a lot on my mind lately. No big deal." 

Jared thought for a moment, wanting to argue out of concern, but simply asking, "you sure?" 

“Yeah,” Jensen shook his head. 

"I'm here if you ever need to talk or anything, okay?" Jared offered, putting his hand comfortingly on Jensen’s shoulder. 

"Yeah, I know,” he started to unbutton his shirt to show the one underneath, “I am not alone," Jensen said starting to laugh and pointing at the under shirt. Hoping the silhouettes of he and Misha's faces with the phrase "you are not alone" underneath them would break the tension. It did and Jared giggled. Just then, they heard their names being called and were summoned to go on stage. 

 

Jensen didn't realize until he was starting to walk on the stage that in a way, pointing at his shirt like that was like telling Jared. Very very subtly telling Jared. That also made him realize that he should button his over shirt, but it was too late. The already loud clapping and shouting became impossibly louder as he stepped on stage showing off the fact that he was wearing a shirt with his and Misha's faces on it. Crap. But not crap. It was for a campaign. For a good cause. No one had to know that he grabbed it this morning because after what happened last night he wanted Misha close to him even when he couldn't be. He and Jared smiled and waved and Jared started doing... The robot? Seriously. Fine. Jensen had no choice but to join in. People paid $800 to watch them make fools of themselves. Awesome. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jensen walked into one of the dressing rooms the convention center provided for the actors and his heart nearly skipped a beat as he saw Misha getting his Castiel costume on for the photo ops. He loved that he used the original, longer trench coat and tie for the photos. It was like old Cas was back. 

"This doing it for you, Dean?" Misha said in the deep gravely voice that was unmistakably Castiel's. 

"Mish," Jensen said, eyes darting around. 

"Relax. It's just us in here," Misha reassured him, using his own voice. He walked over and started caressing Jensen's arm, who swallowed hard in return. 

"Are we meeting in your room again tonight?" Jensen asked, voice a bit squeaky from nerves.

"If you want." 

Jensen looked up from watching Misha's hand on his arm and caught his eyes. "Of course I do."  

Misha was just about to lean in for a kiss when the door opened and Jared appeared. Misha immediately pulled his arm down and Jensen backed up so they weren't so close together. 

"Hey we need to get in the auditorium for autographs," Jared said looking at Jensen. Then he stopped, tilted his head and added, "you guys okay?" 

Misha responded immediately as though not to let Jensen stutter through an excuse, "yeah. Jensen was just making fun of me for putting my tie on backwards." 

Jared walked forward and grabbed the tie Misha was wearing, that was indeed backwards, and started running his hand up and down it, almost seductively. Jensen raised his eyebrows in question at the action. "Cas always wore the tie backwards. You have to." Jared said, looking into Misha’s eyes. He then let go, turned to Jensen, and added, "come on Jensen, we're already late. The handlers are outside." 

"Crap. If you're late, I’m late. See you guys later," Misha said as he stepped out of the door opposite from the one Jared had entered through. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Hours later found the convention over and Misha and Jensen sitting on the couch in Misha’s hotel room. There was a comfortable silence between them and Jensen was honestly lost in thought about Jared. Why had he grabbed Misha’s tie like that? Why did he sit next to him at breakfast? Why did….

“What’s up with Jared?” Misha asked suddenly.

Jensen turned to face him. “That’s what I was just thinking about. I mean, he asked me today if I was okay and said that I’ve been acting weird lately. But it seems more like he’s the one who’s acting weird.”

“Maybe we should talk to him tomorrow and make sure everything’s okay,” Misha suggested. 

Jensen nodded in agreement, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

There were another few moments of silence and then the conversation was dropped. Replaced by thick air and a heated glance. 

“Can I kiss you?” Misha asked. 

“Yeah,” Jensen responded, his cheeks starting to redden from embarrassment at the question. He then started to go flush when he realized what Misha was doing. He was getting up and straddling Jensen. Misha’s knees were on either side of Jensen’s hips as he started licking his way into his mouth. Jensen couldn’t help the moan that escaped his lips when Misha started grinding their groins together. A few seconds later Misha pulled his mouth away in order to catch his breath.

“Please, always kiss me like that,” Jensen said. He wasn’t even sure where it came from, why he actually said it out loud. It made him sound so needy and fragile.

But Misha just smiled and said, “of course,” before starting to kiss him again. 

When Jensen felt his and Misha’s erections start to take form, he pushed Misha off. “Mish, we can’t do that much tonight. We have a flight in like 6 hours. And we should get some sleep.”

Misha pulled away and removed himself from Jensen, sitting back beside him on the couch. “You’re right. But then you should really go to your own room. Because if you stay here, I can’t make any promises.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Jensen responded, looking Misha up and down and realizing just how badly he wanted the man. “Yeah, I should go.” He leaned in and gave Misha one last quick kiss before he started heading towards the door. 

“Goodnight,” Misha called after him, remaining on the couch.

“Goodnight,” Jensen replied, opening the door. after closing it behind him, he realized there was someone in the hallway. 

“Hi,” a familiar voice said. 

Jensen turned around to see Jared. Jared had seen him, leaving Misha’s room in the middle of the night. Okay. He could explain that. Hopefully his partial arousal wasn’t still noticeable. “Hey Jare. I was just…”

“I know,” Jared said.

“What?” Jensen said raising his eyebrows, surprised at Jared’s interjection.

“I. Know.” Jared repeated slowly, emphasizing each word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? Are you liking the direction I'm taking this? I don't want it to be just all smut. I want to actually explore their lives (mixed with some smut because of course). Is that something people are cool with? Thanks again for reading!


	7. Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that this took so long. I didn't mean for that to happen. I wanted to get it up before this weekend (I actually went to PittCon) but that just didn't happen. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit on the shorter side, but it does get to some important stuff. And I am already working on the next chapter so it shouldn't be long. As of right now, I still have no idea about the amount of chapters, I'm sorry. Basically, I'm going to write it until I feel it's finished. I know that's a shit answer, but it's the best I have for now. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

They’re laying side by side in bed. Jensen’s fingers are playing along Misha’s arm as if he’s a piano. They both lean in for a kiss. It’s a teeth and tongue and deep and messy and somehow still so slow and beautiful that neither wants to let up. So they don’t. And Misha maneuvers on top of Jensen who puts up no fight. They’ve done this a million times. Make that a million and one. Misha’s tongue is licking up and down Jensen’s neck and he’s bucking up searching for friction that he soon finds; especially when Misha shifts his hips down, returning Jensen’s thrusts. Little breathy moans and grunts start to fill the air when all of a sudden they are joined by……

The ring of a cell phone. Misha wakes up, what a dream that would have been. He can’t wait to have it again or even better, to make it real. He wants to text Jensen right now. Wait. What woke him up in the first place? Right. His phone. It’s a text, from Jensen:

‘Jared knows.’

Fuck. 

 

******************************************************************************  
TWO HOURS EARLIER  
******************************************************************************

 

“I. Know.” Jared repeated slowly, emphasizing each word. 

Jensen’s eyes widened, “what….what do you mean?” 

“It doesn’t take a genius to realize it. You guys got together.”

Jensen looked up and down the hallway. Everywhere. Anywhere but at Jared. 

“Come on, let’s go in my room and talk,” Jared offered. Jensen couldn’t say a word, but he nodded and followed Jared. 

What was he doing? How could they have been so careless? When did they get so careless? He thought they had been rather discreet in their actions……

"Earth to Jensen," Jared said snapping his fingers in front of Jensen's face.

"Sorry. I just," he paused for a moment, "I don't know what to think right now." 

Jared smiled and gave Jensen a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "It's okay. This doesn't have to be this big over dramatic thing. So, you and Misha are together. It's okay." 

"How is that okay?!" Jensen just blurted it out. Almost yelled it, actually. He snapped his mouth shut as soon as the harsh words escaped and Jared gave him a look of pity. 

"Jen, are you okay with this? Do you want to be with him?" 

Jensen took a deep breath. "Of course I do. I really do. It's just complicated and difficult and now you know and it makes it real. And that's..... Worse. That makes it so much worse."  

"Worse?" Jared didn't know how else to respond. He knew he should say so much more, say something different. But that stuck in his head. Worse. As in it was already bad? 

"More difficult?” Jensen added after a moment, “It's not just Mish and me anymore." 

"Danneel doesn't know?" 

Jensen shook his hand, dismissing Jared's claim. "She does. So does Vicki. We got their permission before...." Jensen stopped dead in his words. He was sitting at a table in Jared's hotel room, about to tell him that he and Mish had gotten intimate. "Before we even started anything." He quickly corrected, hoping that would suffice. 

Jared just nodded his head in understanding. "I'm okay with it," he said, "I mean, not that it matters. But you don't have to worry about that. I'm okay with it. And I'm not going to tell anyone. I know I joke about it at cons and stuff. But I would never betray your trust like that." 

"Thank you," was all Jensen could muster before he put his head in his hands. Jared leaned over and started rubbing circles in Jensen's back to soothe him. Jensen lifted his head and asked, "do you think it's wrong?" 

Jared removed his hand from Jensen and questioned, "what?"  

"Me and Mish. You said you're okay with it. But do you think it's wrong?" 

"I think that what you and Misha have is undeniable. And as long as you aren't hurting anyone, acting on that, it's not wrong." 

"You mean that?" 

"Of course I do," Jared paused and stared at Jensen, wanting to ask a question but unsure if he should. After a few moments he decided it was a conversation that needed to happen. "Do you think it's wrong?" 

“No,” Jensen spat out so quickly he wasn’t sure if he actually said it. Then he paused and added, “I’m just worried.”

Jared shook his head in understanding. “About other people?” He asked. 

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. Their judgement. Them not understanding. Not…” he trailed off and looked down again. 

“Accepting?” Jared tried to finish his sentence for him. 

“I just don’t want people to hate me.”

“The ones that matter won’t,” Jared offered, “besides, who else needs to know now anyways?”

Jensen let out a small laugh and Jared smiled at his best friend. “Well, apparently Misha and I aren’t being very discreet.” 

Jared starting laughing along, “that’s true.”

 

******************************************************************************  
PRESENT TIME  
******************************************************************************

 

Fuck. Misha didn’t quite mind if Jared knew. It’s not like he was ashamed or anything. But Jensen was much more fragile in this situation and Misha was worried what Jared finding out would mean for them. He looked at the message once more before closing his eyes. ‘Please don’t let it mean the end’ he thought. The somewhat intrusive knock on the door was welcome, especially when Misha answered it and discovered green eyes staring into his blues. 

He stepped out of the way to let Jensen in the door, and closed it behind him. As soon as he turned around, Jensen pulled him close and kissed him with a hunger that Jensen had never displayed before. After a few moments Misha pulled away, nearly panting. 

“What?” Was all Misha could muster in his blissful surprise. 

“Jared and I talked. And I realized that this,” he motioned his finger between the two of them, “is good. We’re good. And that’s all that counts.”

“Are you sure?” Misha asked, relief not even masked in his voice.

“Yeah. I’m happy. You’re happy. That’s all that matters. Screw anyone else.” Misha smiled at Jensen’s words, and then squinted in question when he saw Jensen’s dull expression. 

“Jen..?”

“You are? Right? Happy, I mean.” 

“Of course. You don’t even need to ask that.” Misha nearly whispered, taking Jensen’s face in his hands. Rubbing his thumb over Jensen’s bottom lip before kissing him again. Jensen sighed into the kiss. After a moment, it was as if they were reading each other’s minds and both pulled away at the same time. 

“We need sleep before this flight,” Jensen said.

“We do,” Misha agreed. 

“I wanna sleep with you,” Jensen said and then immediately corrected, “I mean, actual sleep. You know, just… not like that but like…”

Misha smiled as Jensen stumbled through his words. “I know what you mean.” Misha said, pulling Jensen towards the bed. They slid into the covers, side by side. Misha hesitated a moment and then got closer and placed his arm around Jensen’s chest. Jensen smiled and laced their fingers together in return. They shut their eyes and chased sleep, both feeling the most confident in whatever this was than they had in nine years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if you haven't noticed, I am very much a happy story kind of person. A little bit of tension or angst, sure. But everything needs to work out fine in the end because it just does. Sorry if it feels like a copout to you guys. But, I just want everyone to be happy!


	8. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a cute little fluffy/light smutty chapter that I just had to write after the whole twitter thing. (You know, Misha insisting that he is not in fact Jensen's personal groomer). I'm almost done with the next chapter, so it should be up by Saturday (I'm hoping). In the meantime, enjoy this.

Jensen was an incredible mix of beyond ecstatic and scared to death. Danneel and JJ were visiting Daneel's family, leaving Jensen an open weekend. Misha had already told Vicki he wasn't going to make it back from Vancouver anytime soon. (Even though they weren't filming again for a nearly a week). Jared was taking advantage of the time and had booked the earliest flight he could to get back to Gen and the kids. 

Jensen and Misha were alone. They had days. Days they could spend together in Misha's apartment. Going to clubs. Being together. No interruptions. Jensen knew that it didn't have to mean anything. Misha would understand if it didn't. It had been well over a month since they had first started this. Nearly a month since Jared found out. He was still the only one who knew. And they still hadn't gone farther than a hand job here and there. And Misha understood. And Jensen was so grateful for that. 

But he also wanted to.... He wanted to be with Misha. Wanted to know what that would be like. It terrified him. But he also thought that it was time. That he was ready. He just wasn't sure what he was ready for. 

 

There was pizza on the coffee table that Misha wouldn't touch. A kale salad next to it that Jensen wouldn't even try.  So different. But still so right, sitting next to each other on the same couch, watching the same movie, petting each other's hand. Jensen let his head drop to rest on Misha's shoulder and Misha tilted his head to fit on top of it. Jensen loved moments like this. The feeling of being completely comfortable. Like they knew without words that they were both content. Both happy to just be there with each other. He lifted his head and kissed Misha's cheek. 

"What was that for?" Misha asked, turning towards him. 

"Because I wanted to," Jensen responded, this time pushing their lips together. Misha sighed into it, shifting his body to get a better angle. Opening his mouth without fight as Jensen's tongue asked to be let inside. Jensen started to lean backwards, pulling Misha on top of him all the while never breaking their kiss. 

Jensen grasped Misha’s biceps and automatically began bucking his hips up, searching for friction. Misha responded only when he was sure that Jensen truly wanted it. They had done this before, but Misha still wanted to make sure Jensen was absolutely sure every time. Permission once does not mean permission forever.

Jensen broke their kiss to let out a heated moan, about to get off from humping fully clothed on the couch like a horny teenager. Misha knew Jensen was close, and added more pressure exactly where Jensen needed it. Jensen let out a whine that somewhat sounded like "mish" and Misha felt the wet spot form on Jensen's pants. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips as he continued moving, chasing his own release. It happened just a few moments after Jensen. 

Misha was sweaty. He hadn't actually done too much, but his hair was still sticking to his forehead in a way that made Jensen's stomach flutter. He smiled up at his blue eyed companion. 

"Hi," he said. 

"Hello," Misha responded, but didn't move off of Jensen. Jensen didn't even realize that he was still grasping Misha's biceps, grip not letting up at all. 

Misha leaned his head down and kissed Jensen. No tongue. No passion. Just a light touch of lips. He then pulled off and got up, Jensen's hands dropping down by his sides. "Do you want a drink?" Misha asked so casually, as if they hadn't just done what they had done. 

"Sure," Jensen said sitting up, shifting when he felt the drying evidence in his pants. He made a noise of displeasure and Misha giggled. 

“I have extra clothes in the bedroom,” Misha offered. “Will you get me a new pair of pants as well?”

“Sure,” Jensen said, standing up and walking towards the bedroom. 

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

The next morning Jensen was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when he couldn’t help but smile thinking of the previous night. After their session on the couch, they had continued watching movies, and he and Misha slept together. No sex. Just them in the same bed. Breathing each other in, accidentally shifting against each other in their sleep. Just laying next to each other. Together. 

Misha came in and stood behind Jensen, wrapping his arms around him. “Good morning,” he said as he nuzzled into the crook of Jensen’s shoulder. 

“Good morning,” Jensen responded before shifting slightly to rinse his mouth. When he looked back up at the mirror, Misha was staring at his reflection. “What?” he asked.

“You need to shave,” Misha replied. 

He was right. Jensen had quite a few days growth going on. He hated having to shave. He loves Supernatural and Dean, but he loves hiatus because he can have his beard. An idea crept into his head. “Why don’t you shave for me?” he suggested. 

“What?” Misha questioned, clearly confused. 

Jensen turned around so he was now facing Misha, keeping himself in Misha’s grip. “Yeah. I hate shaving anyway.”

“You want me to shave your face?” 

“Yes.” Jensen said wiggling out of Misha’s arms and jumping onto the counter. “What? You can jack me off but you won’t shave my beard?” 

Misha huffed out a laugh at that. “Okay. Okay.” he said, grabbing the can of shaving cream and a razor. He stood in between Jensen’s legs and just stared at him.

Jensen couldn’t believe he had asked Misha to do this. It was a strange request, he knew. Very intimate. Very unlike himself. But, he just wanted Misha’s touch all the time. Even through something as mundane as this. Wanted Misha in his personal space and performing a task that was so personal. Not like when they made out or got each other off. That was sexual. This was…romantic? Hmm. Jensen hadn’t considered that before. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a slap of shaving cream to the face. 

“Really, dude,” he found himself shaking out. Voice showing the emotion of what he had been thinking. But luckily Misha didn’t acknowledge that. 

“You looked too distracted. Needed your attention,” he said smoothly. 

Jensen just smiled at that. It was nice to have the comical intrusion to thoughts that were anything but comical. 

As Misha was shaving the last stripe of hair, Jensen made his decision. He would just tell him. This was as good a time as any. Dear Chuck was he scared. But he had waited 9 years to tell Misha that he wanted something more than friendship. He wasn’t about to wait any longer to tell him this. 

“There,” Misha said, putting the razor down and grabbing a towel to wipe the excess shaving cream off of Jensen’s face. 

“I love you,” Jensen blurted out. 

“Whh…what?” Misha asked, removing the towel. He had to unmuffle Jensen’s voice to make sure he had heard him properly. 

“I love you,” Jensen repeated. He was no longer nervous. Saying it had been so much easier than he thought. 

“I…I love you, too, Jen,” Misha said, taking in those beautiful green eyes. He leaned in for a kiss, which Jensen quickly accepted. 

After minutes or possibly hours of tenderly kissing and touching, Jensen still on the counter with Misha perched between his legs, Jensen pulled off. Nearly breathless. 

“I want you, Mish,” he panted. 

“I want you too,” Misha said, leaning back in to kiss him again. 

Misha wasn’t understanding what he meant. He needed to make him understand. “No. Mish. I want you. I’m…I’m ready.”

Misha pulled away and gave him a confused look. “Are you…are you sure?” His voice was already drenched with desire at the possibility. 

“Yes,” Jensen nodded, “I want to,” he looked down at the ground and smiled, “go all the way.”

Misha giggled. “Go all the way? That was cute.”

“Thanks.” 

Misha took Jensen’s head in his hands and positioned it so their eyes were even with each other, and oh so close. He didn’t want any misunderstandings with something like this. “Are you sure you’re ready? We don’t have to…..”

Jensen covered Misha’s hands with his own. “I’m ready,” he reassured him, “and I want to.” 

“Okay.” Misha put his hands down and started backing away, reaching out to take Jensen’s hand as he hopped off of the counter. Misha led the way through the living room and to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'm the worst person you don't even know. Ending a chapter like that, how dare I. Anyways, you know what that means. The entirety of Chapter 9 will be their first time. (I wanted it to be in chapter 9 because the fic is called "9 years", get it? lol) I'm legitimately awful and lame. And I'm not even sorry. Anyways, thanks for reading. And don't worry, your wait for the next chapter won't be anywhere near as long as our boys have waited. ;)


	9. All The Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go. Sorry it's a few days later than I said. Please let me know what you guys think, and if you like the direction I am taking this. I am planning on a few more chapters, but am hoping to have it wrapped up by mid August.

They stood in front of the bed, fully clothed. Kissing, touching, hands roaming. There was desire of course, but not a sense of urgency. Just them, alone in Misha's bedroom. Preparing themselves to make the leap. To go all the way. Jensen couldn't help but think how amazing it all was. A month ago he would have been terrified at the thought. Hell, a month ago he had been terrified at the thought. But now, now he wanted the closeness and the feeling and everything that came along with giving someone every part of you. And he wanted that with Misha. 

Suddenly, Misha pulled away, panting heavily, eyes clearly glazed with arousal and desire, but a question needed to be asked. "What do you want to do, Jen?" 

Jensen was still dazed from everything they had done so far. But he was coherent enough to know what Misha was asking. Do you want to fuck or get fucked? And a part of him screamed to let Misha have his way with him. To lay on the bed and let Misha tear him apart. To let Misha fuck him until he couldn't breathe or remember his own name. But the other part of him was so incredibly terrified of what that would feel like. Of what that would mean. He gulped and looked into Misha's eyes. 

"I... I want to....you..." Was all he mustered. He was hoping it would be enough. 

And apparently it was. "Just to clarify, that means you want to top?" 

Jensen let out a giggle at that. Of course Misha would phrase it that way. But he also felt safe knowing that Misha was making sure he was only doing what Jensen wanted and was ready for. Jensen just nodded his head. 

"Okay then," Misha said as he started to tug on Jensen's shirt. Jensen lifted his arms up to let it be removed. Misha started pawing at his bare chest. Dragging his fingers up and down, leaning in to pepper kisses all over the expanse of toned skin and muscle. Jensen threw his head back in complete bliss. 

Misha knelt down and began to unbuckle Jensen's pants when Jensen's hand shot straight down to stop him. Misha looked up at him questioningly, still on his knees. Jensen balled his fists into Misha's shirt and pulled him up. "You first," he said so clear and in control that Misha's eyes went wide. Jensen didn't even know why it had come out like that. He just knew that that's what he needed at the moment. To be able to see Misha first. It would make him feel less exposed. And Misha obliged without question. He wanted to give Jensen everything he needed to feel comfortable in this. He slipped off his shirt and threw it somewhere. He could almost feel the heat of Jensen's stare on his skin. He then reached down and undid his jeans, letting them fall to the ground and quickly stepped out of them and kicked them away. 

As he reached for his boxer briefs he paused and caught Jensen's eyes, "these too?" He asked. Jensen simply nodded. And just like that Misha was completely naked in front of Jensen. His nearly throbbing member standing tall and proud, already leaking a bit of precome. Did this turn Misha on that much? In all fairness, Jensen was almost in pain given how much his cock was straining against his jeans. He quickly undid them and tossed them off. But instead of reaching for his boxers next, he lifted his leg to take off a sock.

Misha let out a giggle. 

“What? I’m sorry that I have to wear socks because your apartment is freakin’ Antartica.” Jensen defended himself. Even in the playful conversation that wasn’t exactly sexy talk, Jensen managed to strip from his remaining garments. And even though Misha had seen him fully naked before, he still sucked in a sharp breath. Knowing that he had that effect on Misha only made Jensen that much more excited. And the way Misha was looking at him, complete awe in his eyes, Jensen had to gulp to try to swallow the emotion that was threatening to surface. 

Misha took two steps forward, completely closing the space between them. With their bodies now flush, their erections were rubbing together causing both men to moan. Misha lightly tugged on Jensen’s hair, guiding their mouths to meet. Dominant Misha was back and Jensen was so happy for that. He wasn’t sure what to do or how to take this. He had never had sex with a guy before, and while he did imagine it was similar to sex with women, he knew there were going to be some obvious differences. His lack of experience made him beyond grateful for Misha taking control. 

He felt Misha’s tongue claim his mouth, licking over every part it could reach. The mixture of that mixed with Misha’s slow grind of their hips was completely intoxicating. Which apparently Misha knew as well because before Jensen realized what happened, Misha had led him to the bed and pushed him down. “Lie on your back,” Misha commanded. Although there wasn’t a sternness to his voice. It was almost more like a suggestion or question. Either way, Jensen found himself doing as he was told. Scooting up so his head found the pillows. 

“I thought that I was…um…topping…” Jensen questioned. 

Misha shook his head. “You are. Don’t worry, Jen. I’ve got you. Do you trust me?”

Jensen shook his head and let out a strangled “yes.” 

At that, Misha walked over to the nightstand and grabbed something out of the drawer. Jensen assumed it was lube and a condom. Misha turned to look back at him, taking in every bit of Jensen, naked and laying on his back in Misha’s own bed. “I…I don’t have condoms,” Misha said. 

“What?” Jensen wasn’t sure if that meant this would turn into their usually jack off session or not. Honestly, he was so ready and wanted this so bad, the condom didn’t make a difference. The more he thought about it, the more he actually didn’t want a barrier between he and Misha. He wanted skin against skin.

“Why would I have condoms?” Misha broke Jensen’s train of thought. 

“I don’t know,” Jensen quickly retorted, “but, Mish. I…I’m still in. I still want this…if you do.”

“You’re comfortable without using a condom?”

Jensen refrained from telling Misha that at this point he actually preferred no condom, but instead replied, “if you are.”

Misha nodded his head. “Okay.” Misha handed the lube to Jensen and then got on the bed, leaning over him, straddling him. What was Jensen supposed to do with the lube? Put it on his fingers? Did Misha want him to stretch him? Why would that weird him out? What, he wanted his dick in Misha’s ass but not his fingers? His thoughts were cut off by Misha’s laughter. Apparently Jensen had been staring at the bottle questioningly for a moment too long. 

“Here,” Misha said taking the bottle, “I’ll do it.”

Jensen’s eyes shifted from the bottle to Misha, “I can….” he said, uncertainty in his voice.

“It’s okay,” Misha said, “we can work up to that. But this time, I’ll do it.” And with that, he was pouring lube over his fingers, and before Jensen could even process what was happening, Misha’s hand disappeared to Misha’s back side. Jensen couldn’t see them from the position they were in, but he could look up at Misha’s face, hear the little noises Misha was making as he clearly fingered himself. Misha let out a deliciously low moan and Jensen figured he must have added another finger, but the sound made Jensen surge his hips up, searched for friction, only to be rewarded with another moan from Misha when he found it. Misha then starting thrusting his cock down, humping Jensen while still scissoring himself open. Jensen’s eyes were now shut, he didn’t want them to be, but he couldn’t help it, the pleasure was almost too much. He was writhing with need and desire now, more flush with arousal than he had ever been in his life. 

It was only when he felt Misha stop moving that Jensen opened his eyes again. Misha was above him, face so close to his, his arms on either side of Jensen, boxing him in. Wait. Both his arms? Misha’s eyes met his, “are you ready, Jen?” he asked, voice laced with euphoria. Jensen was only able to nod. 

Misha sat up a bit and then slowly, slowly started to sink down, eyes going wide and letting out a grunt when the head of Jensen’s cock breached his rim. Jensen was letting out a symphony of sounds himself, Misha’s tight heat around him the most glorious feeling he’d ever felt. 

It took merely moments for Misha to be seated on Jensen, completely filled up. They both let out a matched sigh of relief, and Jensen spat out, “fuck Mish, didn’t know it would feel this good.” To which Misha simply smiled and lifted up, almost completely and then sank back down eliciting a moan and another “fuck” from Jensen’s mouth. Jensen shifted his hips upward and Misha threw his head back in pleasure. Jensen shifted one more time, and Misha nearly screamed. ‘Must have found the spot,’ Jensen thought to himself. Once again, when he found himself in the moment, actually taking part in the act, he was a lot less afraid. In fact, he was gaining confidence. He pushed up one more time, which stirred Misha enough to start moving again. It was a few minutes of Jensen matching Misha’s movements, or perhaps Misha matching Jensen’s, when he realized he was close. And he had an idea.

“Mish,” he panting out, “Mish, want to….on top…” Misha was still thrusting down on him and Jensen had the damnedest time trying to be coherent. But Misha had heard him and understood, putting his hands under Jensen’s back and then trying to turn, Jensen following him closely so that he could remain inside Misha. And somehow they managed to pull it off. Now Misha was on his back, Jensen on top of him with Misha’s legs wrapped around his waist. This position and closeness left Misha’s erection trapped between them, and when Jensen started moving again, he felt it rub against his stomach. Which is exactly what he wanted. And after a moment, he knew it was exactly what Misha wanted as well, Misha nearly cried his name from the now double stimulation. The new position allowed Jensen to hit Misha’s sweet spot every few thrust, and he could tell Misha was getting close. And honestly, so was he. 

“Mish…Mish, I’m close…” he panted. 

“Mhmm,” was all Misha responded between grunts and moans. Jensen started to pull out, but Misha stopped him, “no. stay,” Misha said. So he did. And a moment later he was coming, inside of Misha. He screamed Misha’s name, and was still panting when he opened his eyes. Misha was staring up at him. That’s when he felt the come on his chest and stomach. ‘Thank God,’ he thought. He was worried he would come before Misha and it would be awkward. But he apparently hadn’t and none of this was awkward. He leaned his head down to capture Misha’s lips in a kiss. Misha’s hands were fisting through his hair and he moaned again. 

Jensen lifted his head away from Misha and looked to the side. 

“What’s wrong?” Misha asked, concern evident in his voice despite the post orgasm high he must have been riding. 

Jensen didn’t look at him as he responded, “I don’t want to move.”

Misha cradled Jensen’s face in his hands and moved his head so they were looking into each other’s eyes again. “Then don’t,” he said. 

“Okay,” Jensen sighed as he rested his head into the crook of Misha’s shoulder. He stayed on top of Misha, his now soft cock still inside, and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do y'all think? Is that an acceptable first time? I personally think that Misha would need to take control because of how uncomfortable Jensen would be, but that Jensen would still need at least a little bit of control. So I hope that's how you read this? If not, what did you take from it? I love different interpretations of the same work.


	10. Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for this fic. I didn't get to everything I feel like I could add. But I feel like this story has enough. I may eventually do a time stamp thing so I can do more with it. Maybe. But for now, I feel like this is a solid ending to a story that has been 9 years in the making. (well, not for me. but you know...) 
> 
> Let me know what you think! And thank you so much for reading this and for those that have stuck with me since the beginning.

Jensen was sitting in his hotel room thinking about what had happened over the past month and a half. He had admitted his feelings to Misha. He had kissed Misha. He had had sex with Misha. It had all happened so fast but at the same time had been nine years in the making. It wasn’t fast at all. It was slow. One of the slowest builds in his life. And he was so grateful for that. For waiting all these years and not rushing it. He had no idea how it would work in the long run, and honestly he hated thinking about that. Currently all he cared about were the facts. And the facts were that he loves Daneel and JJ and their family. And he loves Misha. And that was okay. It wasn’t wrong or shameful. It was okay. And he was happy. 

“Hey,” Jared’s voice called as he walked in to the room. 

“How did you get in here?” Jensen found himself saying almost harshly. 

Jared shrugged off the tone and responded, “conned the front desk into giving me a key to your room. Figured it would come in handy.”

“For all the pranks?” Jensen said sarcastically. 

“Nah. We’ve learned the no pranking each other too many times already. This key is for Misha. I got one for his room for you too.”

Jensen stared up at him questioningly. 

“I figured it would be less suspicious if I did it. If you guys got keys to each other’s rooms it would just fuel the rumors.”

“Oh, don’t I know it,” Jensen said with almost laughter in his voice. He loved the fans. And sometimes he was honestly amazed by how accurate they were with certain things. Like he and Misha for instance. But they didn’t need to know that. 

“You coming to the Saturday Night Special?” Jared asked. 

“Of course. What time is it now anyways?”

“Almost 9.” 

“Huh. Misha hasn’t stopped by or even texted. He has to be done with autographs by now.” A wave of nervousness hit Jensen. It had only been a week since they had sex, and they hadn’t done it again. Busy with work and wives and lives. Was Misha mad at him? The thought made his stomach queasy. 

Jared must have noticed Jensen’s sudden change in mood and quickly tried to calm his friend. “He’s probably exhausted and went to take a nap or something before the concert. Don’t read too much into it. You know how cons are. They take a lot out of you.”

“Yeah,” Jensen spoke out loud but didn’t quite believe it in his head. Misha always at least texted him when he was finished with autographs. Jensen was worried. 

“You coming?” Jared asked as he started to head towards the door. 

“I’ll catch up in a minute,” Jensen said, his current insecurities clear in his voice. 

Jared picked up on them and turned back to Jensen. “It’ll be okay,” he reassured his friend, “just come to the concert and have a good time with your friends.”

“I know. I will. I just need a minute.” 

“Okay,” Jared said turning back towards the door and leaving.

Jensen was once again alone with his thoughts. Although this time they were of a very different nature. Was Misha mad at him? Had he done something wrong? The endless possibilities were racing through his mind at a million miles a minute when his door opened again. 

“Jared, I told you….” Jensen started. Until he looked up and realized that it wasn’t Jared. 

He was so relieved to see Misha standing there that he didn’t even think before he stood up and pounced on Misha. Kissing him more heatedly than he ever had. Misha melted into it, Jensen’s tongue swirling around his mouth, his hands roaming freely over every part of his body. Jensen let out a moaned that Misha soon matched. But he pulled away, leaving them both panting. 

“Jen, what was that? Not that I’m complaining but…” 

Jensen shook off his hurt from being pushed away and replied, “I thought you were mad at me.” 

Misha cocked one of his eyebrows up. “And you thought that kiss would…what exactly?”

Jensen shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…needed to feel you.”

Misha smirked. The bastard. At a time like this. Jensen still wasn’t sure if Misha was mad at him. And he had just said something rather personal and intimate and Misha freakin’ smirked. 

“I love you,” Misha said, a slight giggle in his tone. Now Jensen was just confused. 

“I…what?”

“I’m not mad at you. Why would you think that?”

“We’ve barely talked all week and then you didn’t text or anything when you were done with autographs because I know you weren’t in there this whole time…..” Jensen was going to add more. There was more. So many little things Misha had done this week that made him think he was pissed.

But now, Misha just smiled. And kissed him. Lightly, gently. When he pulled away he almost whispered, “not mad at you.” And Jensen couldn’t help the automatic reaction his body had. Reaching out and carding his fingers through Misha’s hair. Pushing their lips together again. He was about to slot their hips together when Misha stopped him. 

“We do have to get ready for the concert, you know.”

Jensen shook his head to disagree. “Or…” and with that he kissed Misha passionately again. And they both knew that they wouldn’t be making it to the concert that night. 

Jensen texted Jared to let him know the situation and to make up an excuse. And then all of a sudden, just as they had last weekend, they found themselves alone with a bed and Misha asking Jensen, “What do you want to do, Jen?” 

The last time Misha asked him that question, Jensen had gone the easy route. Had pushed aside the desire for Misha to take him over. To fill him. But not this time. 

“I want to know what it feels like.”

“You want to…?” Misha trailed off. No witty come back like last time. Just his desire filled eyes staring into Jensen’s. 

Jensen nodded. “I want you to have your way with me.” Wait. What? Did he really just say that. But Misha didn’t laugh. He barely even cracked a smile. His eyes never left Jensen’s. “What?” Jensen asked. 

“Nothing. I just…I’m not sure if I’m dreaming or not.” 

“Shut up,” Jensen rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, Jen. This is a dream I’ve had a million times.”

Jensen thought about that and smiled. He can’t believe Misha would dream about him like this. Of course he had dreamt about Misha. But Misha dreaming about him? The thought had never occurred to him. It made him blush at the same time it filled him with a confidence he never felt before. “Then why don’t you have it a million and one?”

And with that, Misha attacked Jensen’s lips and gently guided him backwards onto the bed. 

 

 

Jensen was naked, lying underneath an equally naked Misha. They were both breathing heavy. Aroused beyond belief. Jensen was beyond nervous as he watched Misha spread the lube across his fingers. 

“It might be cold at first,” Misha said, “and if it hurts or feels uncomfortable, let me know and I’ll stop. Okay?”

Jensen was staring at Misha’s fingers. He gulped and nodded. 

Misha slowly started tracing Jensen’s entrance with one finger, not yet pushing it in. He heard Jensen’s breathing hitch from the small contact. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked. 

“No. Go ahead,” Jensen said, voice unsteady but confident enough that Misha believed him. He slowly started to slip the finger in and Jensen hissed. Misha immediately pulled the finger out and apologized. 

“It’s okay,” Jensen said, “it wasn’t pain so much as unfamiliar. I’m good. Really.”

“Are you sure?” Misha questioned, searching Jensen’s eyes for the true answer. 

Jensen nodded. “Mish, I’m sure. Okay? If it really starts hurting, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay,” Misha said, still a bit skeptical. But Jensen seemed to want him to continue. And he wanted to give Jensen what he wanted. So once again, he started the routine of slowly circling around before gently pushing in one finger. When Jensen didn’t hiss again, Misha experimentally started moving the finger a bit. Jensen started breathing faster. “You okay?” Misha asked, but didn’t remove his finger yet. 

“I’m okay. That’s just….that’s different. But good God, keep going.”

Misha laughed at that. “Alright, Jen.” 

It took a while of adjusting and reassurance, but eventually, Misha had three fingers in and Jensen’s noises started to sound more like pleasure than pain. Misha thought for a moment and decided that Jensen was ready for Misha to curve his fingers just a bit and….

“Mish, oh my God!” Jensen panted but somehow nearly screamed. 

“Did you like that?” Misha asked, voice reaching season 4 Castiel levels of deep. 

“Yes. Yes. Please….” And Misha silenced him with his mouth. He didn’t want Jensen to beg. Didn’t want this to be like that. Not tonight. After a few more moments of scissoring his fingers, he removed them and Jensen whined. 

“Relax, Jen,” Misha soothed him as he squeezed an extremely generous amount of lube on his hand and started applying it to his cock. He took the bottle and squeezed a bit more into Jensen’s hole before throwing the bottle out of the way. “Are you ready?” He asked. 

Jensen nodded and said “yes” in the most confident voice Misha had heard from him all night. 

“If it hurts or anything, you tell me?”

“I will, Mish. I will.” 

And with that, Misha lined up by Jensen’s entrance and slowly started pushing in. Jensen’s eyes went wide and Misha felt his hole tighten. He rubbed Jensen’s torso. “Relax, Jen.” Jensen nodded and tried to breathe through the odd sensation. And once he did, oh was he grateful. 

A matter of moments passed and Misha was fully inside. He stopped and just stared into Jensen’s eyes, giving him time to adjust to the feeling. Jensen surged forward and crashed their lips together. “Go ahead,” he whispered, his lips still against Misha’s. Misha slowly started to oblige. The moans that came out of Jensen were the closest thing to a heavenly symphony that Misha had ever heard. 

 

That night, they made love. Misha looking down to meet Jensen’s eyes as he slowly made sure that Jensen was getting nothing but pleasure. That night, Jensen came untouched, and Misha came inside Jensen. That night, through heavy breathing and with not just stars, but constellations in both of their eyes, “I love you” wasn't only spoken, but it was meant. Maybe more so than ever before. That night wasn’t a dream. It was the best reality that either of them had ever experienced. That night was the culmination of being on the verge for nine years. And it was everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed the ending! Thanks so much for reading! :)


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